Happy Belated New Year

and Merry Christmas, Happy Thanksgiving...etc.

Wow.  It's been a while and a lot has happened since I last wrote.

Not sure where to begin to catch up so I guess I start with where I am now.

Happy.

I am happy.  Content.  Filled with Joy.  Peaceful.

It's been a long time since I've felt this way.  Perhaps I've never felt this way, I'm not sure. But I have definitely not felt this weightless and free in 3 years.  

3 years is the amount of time that I worked at a job that robbed me of myself.  Those 3 years held brief intense highs but mostly intense, discouraging and confusing lows as I tried to morph myself into something that I was not.  My personality type did not fit with the people I worked with/for and so I tried to change into the person I was "supposed" to be.  I failed. Failed in an atomic mushroom cloud of failure.   And in the process I lost myself.  Forgot who I was.

I merely survived.  I existed day to day.  Each work day absorbing all of my energies leaving me drained and more walled up to the world. 

And now....now, I feel buoyant. Bobbing around happy and free like a little yellow duckling.  

However,  this was not an overnight process. It has actually taken more time that I anticipated but perhaps not as long as it could have. It has been 3 months since I stopped working there.  And those 3 months have run the gamut of emotions.  And I let myself feel all of them fully.

Happy.  Sad.  Guilty.   Overjoyed.   Overcome with Failure.    

It has been a detox of emotions.  The hardest was coming to terms with the failure and trying to figure out what to do with my life now.  In many ways it has been a moment to moment existence.   I have found myself clinging to God in a way that I've never experienced before.   And because of that I am more alive than I have been before.

Full of hope and expectation.  Finding who I am and figuring out how to live one moment at a time and find joy in the process.  I am beginning to unfold my defenses and breathe.   It's nice.   

I'm not sure what to do with this blog.  I'd like to start writing more and once again capture my life in little stories and snapshots of who I am.  

Now, tell me...how are you?

Ps...hi Meg :)